In this article I explain why a new Soul-aligned connection might be exactly what you need after a bad experience in love.
Taking a break to recover after a painful relationship experience is often common sense advice. But although it seems risky, new loving connections can be nourishing spaces to find healing and growth. A ‘rebound’ shouldn’t always be taboo. It can help us bounce back – especially when we remember who we really are!
Most of us can recall emerging from a disastrous or disappointing relationship feeling emotionally raw, vulnerable and disconnected. Before I woke up to my journey of Divine Union I’ll admit I made some pretty crazy choices of partner, ignored all the red flags and found myself at rock bottom more than once.
All your self help books and well meaning friends will talk about taking time out to process the pain of a breakup. They’ll encourage you to enjoy the single life, reclaim your own identity and focus your energy towards your business and hobbies. Alone.
Of course there is value in their viewpoint because being alone does not mean we have to be lonely. It can be wonderful. It brings incredible gifts and shifts. There are times when it is the right choice.
But when you choose not to follow their advice and you’re dating shortly after a previous relationship finishes, the averted eyes of your friends and family pretty much say it all. You can almost hear that taboo word – rebound – being whispered under everyone’s breath.
Don’t be controlled by anyone’s judgement – listen to YOU
It’s easy for others to sit in judgement but sometimes the Universe delivers exactly what we need at exactly the right time. You may be presented with a valuable Soulmate connection or even a Twin Flame.
Only we know what’s right for us. Sometimes it feels perfect to go with the flow and trust what the future holds.
It’s fair to say that it can be a huge mistake to jump from relationship to relationship as a strategy to avoid the inner work we need to do. It’s true we can feel so misaligned, confused and sore that it can be hard to identify what we truly want. Just remember to find your centre and be honest with yourself.
Even though it sounds like a cliche, the path to Divine Union is a journey and our Souls will always guide us when we need to pause and when momentum feels like the right choice.
Don’t underestimate the healing power of connection and new love
There’s healing power in connection – we can learn valuable lessons from new love that keep our hearts open. If we’re lucky enough to find someone with whom the conditions are right, moving on through this experience can be exactly what we need. Just like the word ‘rebound’ suggests when we remove the judgement, dating again can help us bounce back – especially when we are doing it consciously, and it is part of our journey of awakening.
I’m glad I didn’t stop myself following my joy because of the fear of judgement. Here’s three reasons why staying open to connection can help you recover and feel more secure after a breakup and why there’s powerful learning, healing and growth in the experience of new romance.
Remember that it’s okay not to be chosen – you choose yourself!
First and foremost we must remember to choose ourselves. Reclaiming our power and doing exactly what we want to do is a wonderful exercise in entitlement.
Being desired by someone new isn’t a fix when we prefer external validation to our own sense of self approval. However if choosing ourselves means enjoying being desired then there’s no need to feel shame or guilt about this – very human – experience.
A new connection that’s fuelled by chemistry and passion can reinforce the truth that there are ‘plenty of fish in the sea’. Just because we are not to our ex’s taste at the end of a relationship, it doesn’t mean that we are totally unloveable or unattractive.
You want love? Then don’t stop loving. Don’t stop loving yourself and don’t stop loving others. Don’t close your Heart or shut it down. Not now, not ever.
The experience of being desired by somebody new can help alleviate the false stories that come up when we feel rejected, like we’ll be alone forever, that it’s difficult to find partners or that we’re too damaged to engage with lovers in mutually rewarding ways. Sometimes it helps to see and experience tangible proof of what’s really possible in order to halt the spiral of negative thinking.
It is profound when we surrender to a healthy Soulmate connection and drop attachment to a toxic connection that we might have mistakenly believed had the potential to become a Divine Union.
Although a new connection may be short or medium term, it can remind us that not everyone on the planet will see us from our ex’s negative perspective, and this can be a valuable wake up call.
So if connecting with someone new is about You Choosing You then be in the moment and embrace the experience joyfully. Be Love To See Love. Be free!
We sometimes need to practice implementing our boundaries
When we’re not taking a relationship too seriously because we’re not ready for intense commitment or the connection is new, it’s easier to establish and reinforce healthy boundaries that we’d forgotten in previous longer term, more intense connections.
I notice that so many people forget or defer their boundaries because they’ve believed a person is their Twin Flame or Soulmate and they’ve used the idea of spiritual love as a reason to tolerate poor treatment and relationship patterns that are unhealthy and unsafe for far too long.
You can rediscover power with a new lover that you’d given away long ago in your relationship with an ex or toxic/false Twin. A more secure sense of self emerges that feels just like the ‘old, happier you’ is finally coming home.
You’ll experience your new person’s boundaries too, without taking everything super personally and compounding your own wounds. We need to experience connection with healthy boundaries to make our future relationships mutually rewarding and safe.
Being a hermit forever doesn’t help you progress in your journey of relating. Boundary work is something we can comprehend intellectually on our own. But the practice of implementation is what consolidates how it actually feels and we learn so much from what it brings up for us when we are ready and willing to embody our new, healthier persona.
There is healing power in closeness, intimacy, sex and touch
When we emerge from the disappointing emotional battleground of a painful breakup we often crave loving, appreciative touch. I believe that this is all too often dismissed as a sign we’re seeking external validation or distraction.
I believe the new paradigm for spiritual sexual relationship connections is based on understanding the Divinity of our experiences, not on the unhelpful patriarchal idea that sexual connection is shameful unless it meets society’s approval.
Society is not God or Goddess – we are!
I remember that the rebound relationship I had offered me a valuable experience of sexual intimacy through the lens of Divinity on my own, empowered terms that had been missing with my ex partner.
There’s no shame in enjoying the physical and emotional benefits of sensual connection for increased well being and a boost of vitality. There’s definitely something in the magic of sexual exchange that helps us consolidate our new beginnings and signposts us away from the urge to yo-yo back to an unsuitable ex just because we’re lonely or seeking comfort.
Of course, rebound sexual connections based on a need for revenge, an obsessive desire for attention or a false hope that all our problems will be solved are never a great idea. But if we’re open to the healing, learning and growth that can be on offer and we can engage with a new lover on mutually healthy terms, enjoying a new connection can be helpful, wholesome and spiritually aligned.
The caveat here is that when we connect with someone sexually, we open ourselves emotionally and energetically. We make ourselves vulnerable to energy imprinting, attachment and imbalanced energy exchange. This can be detrimental to our balance and well-being.
When both people are mutually respectful, value intimacy as sacred and have Divinely guided intentions there doesn’t need to be a problem.
When you each hold yourself and the other in high esteem, care for your minds, bodies and souls and protect your energy you remain clear and spiritually expansive.
The message with every part of this article is to choose wisely.
Put your personal and spiritual journey first and choose what’s right for you. This is what the Universe/Spirit/Soul challenges you to learn how to do.
Seek out new loving connections with likeminded, awakened Souls who are also on the journey.
Make love your standard and your expectation. Switch on your radar and make your next person a vibrational match no matter how long it’s going to last.
If connecting with a new love isn’t aligned or you know that right now your path is solitary, that’s great too. We all have the right to choose whatever works for us and helps us thrive.
Your relationship with yourself is your Primary Relationship. Ultimately, whatever you choose, it always comes back to this!
So uphold your Intention of Ascension and follow the path of pleasure, joy and LOVE, wherever it takes you.
Until next time
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